(Boy) "You are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard."
"All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs."
"Melt... Melt wizard."
"What do you wanna melt him with?"
- (woman) Josh! - What do ya think I wanna melt him with?
- I told you to take out the garbage. - Just a second!
"Throw... thermal..."
- (man) Didn't you hear what Mom said? - One minute!
(Mom) Joshua Baskin!
(beeping)
"Your hesitancy has cost you dearly."
"The wizard, sensing your apprehension, unleashes a fatal bolt from the ice sceptre."
"With luck, you will thaw in several million years."
Great(!)
(Mom) Come on! Josh, it's starting to stink up the place!
OK, OK, OK!
"Take the garbage out." Every day... "Take the garbage out." There!
The teams are getting led into the field and the crowds are going crazy. Yeah! Yeah!
Wait. The Yankees' star pitcher is coming outta the bull pen!
And the crowds are cheering. They're going crazy!
- Is Billy there? - In the back.
Rick Rowden is on the mound for the Yankees.
He looks into the catcher's mitt, shakes off the first signal, takes the curve.
He wipes the sweat off his brow, leans back and fires.
(Billy) Yeah!
Goodbye, Mr Spalding!
(Billy) Here, here. Wait.
Got it. Need it. Need it. Got it.
Hey, hey, hey! Do you ever go by Simpkins' desk when she's grading papers?
When she leans over, you can see right down her shirt.
- No! - I swear to God.
- Bra? - No, she's got one of those undershirt things.
So if you get real close to the board,...
..you can see all the way down to her flowers.
Whoa!
Yeah. Gimme your gum.
- Need it. Got it. Got it. Need it... - Hey, hey.
(Josh) Oh, my God. It's Cynthia!
How did a geek like Freddie Benson get a sister like that?
Beats me.
Hi, Josh.
- Hi. - Oh, my God. It's Billy.
- He says hi. - Come on, Miss Cheapo. A quarter!
Unbelievable!
God! She likes you. I know she likes you. I'll find out, OK?
(both) Shimmy, shimmy, go-go bop Shimmy, shimmy, rock
Shimmy, shimmy, go-go bop Shimmy, shimmy, rock
I met a girlfriend named Triscuit
She said a Triscuit's a biscuit
Ice-cream soda pop Vanilla on the top
Ooh, sha-li-da
Walking down the street Ten times a week
I meant it, I said it I stole my momma's credit
I'm cool, I'm hot
Sock you in the stomach three more times!
(both chuckle)
(Josh) Call me after supper. Remember about Cynthia.
(Billy) Don't worry! I'm as interested as you are.
- So? Will you tell me? - You're in.
- What do ya mean, I'm in? - Cynthia Benson!
- What about her? - Are you ready for this?
- She doesn't like Barry any more. - So?
What do ya mean, "So?" That's it - she's available!
- Billy, it doesn't mean... -(Mom) Josh?
Hey! It's after midnight.
- Now say good night to Billy. - Good night, Billy. I gotta go.
Good night, Mrs Baskin!
- (chuckles) - Sweet dreams!
(whooping and screaming)
(Josh) OK, I'm ready. Here I go. I'm ready. Hurgh!
-(Dad) Hey! - I get one more try. One more try.
OK, honey, big smile. Big smile!
Good! Good.
"Wimpy"! Oh, better luck next time.
Let me get one more try. Please? One more? I can't live with "Wimpy"!
Are you sure you wanna go on this, son?
- Yeah. - No, I don't know about this one, Bob.
- No, this looks too scary. -(Bob) It's OK.
- Oh, my God! - I told you. He doesn't wanna go on it.
- You don't have to go on it if you don't... - No, no.
It's just that l... I wanna go on myself.
- You do? - Yeah. I think it's something...
- Yeah, I think it's something I should do. - Great.
Why don't we meet you at the Ferris wheel?
Half-hour.
-(Josh) Excuse me. - Hey!
(girl) Sal threw up on the other ride.
- (clears throat) - Josh?
- Oh... hi. - Hi.
Have you been on this before?
- This? - Yeah.
- Yes. - Is it scary?
Yes.
Are you here alone?
Yes.
- Look. Aren't those your parents? - Where?
- Right over there. - Smile!
Why... yes.
- Hey. Who's this? - Josh Baskin.
- How're you doin'? - This is Derek.
He drives.
- (man) Next. - Go ahead.
- Go ahead! - Yo, next!
(whistles) Whoa. Read this sign. "You must be at least this big to ride this ride."
- What? - Ohh...
Hey, I don't make the rules.
Next!
Well, it's a stupid rule.
Look, why don't you try the kiddie wheel?
See you, Josh.
"Drop 25 cents here."
Come on!
Work! Work!
Neat!
Make my wish...
Right.
I wish I were big.
(laughter)
"Your wish is granted."
(baby screams)
(cooing)
Honey, you'll wake up your brother.
Shh. Come on, come on. You sleep with me.
(barking)
Easy, dog! Easy! Don't make me do it. I'm only part-time.
-(spraying) - Sorry!
Josh!
- Josh! -(grunts) What?
- (Mom) It's 7.30! Are you up? -(yawning)
(Mom) Come on, sleepyhead! You're gonna miss the bus, and I can't drive you today!
(squeaks)
What does he do in his sleep?
(Mom) Honey? I put out some clean clothes.
Bring down your dungarees and stuff for the laundry, OK?
(deep voice) OK.
- Are you getting a cold, Josh? -(high-pitched) No! I'm fine.
He's got a cold. Now Rachel's gonna get a cold, I'm gonna get a cold...
Oh!
Oh, my God!
- Breakfast is ready, Josh! - Be right there!
(thud)
(ripping)
Josh! Hurry up! Your eggs are getting cold.
- Hold this. Hold this. -(babbles)
Keep it a secret.
Bring down Rachel with you, all right?
OK.
Come on. Come on.
Shh-shh. Quiet, quiet.
- You want orange juice or... - (Rachel giggles)
What about your breakfast?
Pardon me, boy Is that the Chattanooga choo-choo?
Choo, choo, choo
- Don't... Please! Don't... - Oh... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No, don't! - Mom, it's me. It's Josh.
- I'm a grown-up. - Stop it! Oh, God!
I made a wish last night. I turned into a grown-up, Mom.
I made this wish on the machine and it turned me into a grown-up - at the carnival.
My birthday's November 3rd. I got a "B" in history.
Here, take the purse. You can have anything that's in it. Go away!
- My... My baseball team is called the Dukes! - (terrified gasps)
Uh... I made this for you. Who are you calling?
- Ah! I have a birthmark behind my left knee. - Agh!
- You bastard! What did you do to my son? - I am your son.
- Where is my child? Where is my son? - Ma... Ma! Ma!
- Police! - Argh!
Heads up! Heads up on defence!
(boy #1) Come on! All the way! All the way!
(boy #2) It's all yours!
I'm open! Here, I'm open!
(boy #1) Shoot!
(school bell)
(teacher) Gentlemen, the period is over.
- Get back to the locker room. -(boy #2) Billy is a dick!
Wash your shirts and shorts.
Billy! Do us both a favour.
Put the balls away, and you practise your lay-up.
Harvitz! Pick up that shirt or I'll make you eat it. lt stinks!
Let's go, gentlemen. Let us go. Now!
- Billy. - Yeah.
- What? - It's me.
It's Josh.
- Coach Barnes! - Wait, wait!
- Coach Barnes! - Shut up! I'm your best friend.
Please, you gotta believe me. I'll prove it to you. Billy, please!
- Help! Help! - Goddamn it, Billy Francis Kopeche!
Look, I know I don't look like myself, but something really strange happened.
I'm really scared and I need your help. You're my best friend! I can prove it.
Oh...
The space goes down, down, baby Down, down the roller coaster
Sweet, sweet baby Sweet, sweet, don't let me go
Shimmy, shimmy, go-go bop Shimmy, shimmy, rock
I met a girlfriend named Triscuit
She said a Triscuit's a biscuit
(both) Ice-cream soda pop Vanilla on the top
Ooh, sha-li-da
Walking down the street Ten times a week
I meant it, I said it I stole my momma's credit
I'm cool, I'm hot
Sock you in the stomach three more times
Josh?
You look terrible.
I know.
(woman) I was in the house making my gravy and I heard this commotion.
(cop) We're at the scene right now. The mother's pretty hysterical.
It's not making any sense at all.
There's no ransom note, no prints - no nothing.
- File a report, to be on the safe side. - Shh! Quiet. Shut up!
- I bet he ran away. - I wish I could.
You want me to pack your bags?
We go to the city, we lay low for a couple of days.
We find the Zoltar machine, you make a wish. You'll be home by Thursday.
- I can't go to New York without my folks. - Come on! You'll be fine.
Here.
- Where did you get this? - From my dad's top drawer.
- You stole it? - It's his emergency fund.
- Jesus, Billy! - Well, what do ya call this?
Fine! Fine. Kill the bitch. Kill her. Kill her!
With a knife. Kill the bitch with a knife.
Kill her! Kill her with a knife. With a knife.
Bitch! Kill the bitch! Kill her.
- Looking for some fun? - No, thank you.
- Hey, man. Can you spare some change? - No, not really.
Hey. This looks OK.
- No, it doesn't. - St James, Josh. It's religious.
Hi.
(belches)
(snorts)
Um... w-we would like a hotel room, please.
17.50 a night for the room. $10 deposit for the sheets.
Mm-mm!
You go straight to the top of the stairs.
It's the last door on the right. Next to the bathroom.
Wait a second, I'll show ya.
- (Billy) It smells bad. -(Josh) Shh.
- Have a pleasant stay. - Thanks.
(clerk) Hey, Angel! Get outta that bathroom now.
- I don't wanna stay here by myself. - I can't help it, Josh. I gotta be home by ten.
I'll cut classes tomorrow. We'll find that Zoltar thing before you know it.
OK?
Just one night! All right?
- All right. - Good.
- What if I can't sleep? - It's probably better if you don't.
- See ya in the morning. - Well... you know, like, what time?
8.30.
(woman) My mother was right! You're a pig!
I'd use the chain if I were you.
(shouting continues)
- (gunshot) - (woman screams)
(phone rings)
(footsteps in corridor)
(man speaking Spanish)
(man arguing)
(man shouting)
(banging on wall)
Mom! Mom...
- I told you, it's not a video game! - Then what is it?
Well, it's not a video game.
(Billy) This one has a number on it. Does yours?
- No... Oh, wait. Here's one. - What are you doing? What are you doing?
- Do you have Zoltar? - No, I told you. I've got Power House...
- We need Zoltar. - I haven't got it.
-(Billy) This is it. - They're not gonna have it.
- Can I help you? - Yes. We would like a list...
- ..of all carnivals and fairs. - And arcades.
Carnivals and... fairs...
Uh, try Consumer Affairs. Down the hall - room 111.
Thank you.
Fill this out in triplicate. $5 filing charge.
- See? - You get it in six weeks.
- Six weeks? - Sometimes longer, but you could get lucky.
Next, please.
Fill this out.
I'm gonna be thirty years old for the rest of my life.
Would you come on? We'll figure something out.
By the way... you may be older than that! (chuckles)
- So now what? - I'll come and see you every day after school.
- How? - I'll tell them I made the basketball team.
- What am I gonna do? - You can get a job.
- I can't get a job. - Why? What are you good at?
I don't know. Making spitballs?
- How 'bout a delivery man? - I don't know how to drive.
Yeah, right.
Cardiological technician? Civil engineer?
- You're not eating your cherry? - Go ahead.
- Clerical transcriber? - Billy.
Yeah?
- Gross. Oh, God! Gr... That's gross! - Check, please.
- Go on. - Collection agent. Company clerk.
- Computer operator. Construction engineer. - Computer operator? Read that one.
- Will you quit with your stupid computers? - Just read it!
- "MacMillan Toys..." Toys! - Toys!
(both) Wiggy-wiggy jazz.
- (phone rings) - MacMillan Toys. May I help you?
- Are these the applications? - Yes.
OK, OK, what's next? There.
Previous employment.
- Your paper route. - I don't think I can put that.
- Paper route circulation director? - Yeah!
What's he got?
Hey, don't worry about it.
- Um... Social Security number? - 32-17-25.
- What is that? - My locker combination.
Great.
Mr Baskin?
- Y-yes... Yes. - The personnel director will see you now.
Uh... your son can wait out here.
(Billy giggles)
OK. Son, you should sit down. And don't give the lady any trouble, now.
Sure, Dad.
- This way. - Don't forget, look 'em in the eye.
(manic clicking of pen)
There's two numbers missing on your Social Security.
Oh. Uh... 12.
1-2.
It says here you've got four years' experience.
- Yes. - All on computers?
Yes.
Where did you go to school?
It was... It was called George Washington.
Oh, GW? My brother-in-law got his doctorate there.
- Did you pledge? - Yes.
Every morning.
It happened again! David, the girl is absolutely useless.
I need someone who knows what she is doing.
Excuse me. I'm not getting my mail. Nothing has been filed.
Ever since she got engaged, my life has been a disaster.
She came so highly recommended.
She spent three months writing down her married name.
Mrs Judy Hicks. Mrs Donald Hicks.
Mrs Judy Mitchelson Hicks - sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes without.
- Sometimes she spells the hyphen! -(snorts)
- Well, I really don't know where I can put her. - Put her on unemployment!
- When can you start? - Soon.
We'll start you off with last week's preschool orders.
lt should take a few days - give you a chance to find your way around.
- Do you smoke? - Well, just, uh... once. But...
Only on breaks, and in the coffee room.
Most of that's pretty straightforward stuff. Any questions, come to me.
Good luck!
Bye!
"The Dinky Link."
"Seven."
- "Jimmy's Toy Box." - Psst!
- "Squirmey Hermey." - Psst!
(clears throat) Hey. Psst. Hey!
- I'm Scott Brennen. - Uh, I'm... I'm Josh Baskin.
What are you trying to do? Get us all fired?
- Huh? - You gotta slow down, pace yourself. Slowly.
- Slow. - Sorry.
- Today's my first day. - I know!
- So how long have you worked here? - Five years.
The work stinks, but the fringe benefits are great.
See that girl over there in the red?
Say hi to her and she's yours.
She'll wrap her legs round you so tight, you'll be begging for mercy.
Well, I'll stay away from her, then!
(phone rings)
Excuse me.
Brennen.
I gave it to you yesterday! Oh, here it is.
I don't have time to Xerox it. Let the new guy do it.
- Bullshit! - But the favourability ratings...
Let's not lie to ourselves. If a kid likes a toy, it sells, that's all.
- But every bit of research... - It worked in the research, not with the kids!
- Sorry. - Watch where you're going!
- Are you OK? - I am fine.
- You could kill somebody! -(boss) It's all right.
The boss should get knocked on his ass once in a while.
- Maybe you should see a doctor. - For crying out loud, Paul, I'm fine!
- Sorry, sir. - Where were you going, son?
Um... I was, uh... I was going to the Xerox room cos they needed these by five o'clock.
Oh! That's good!
Nothing wrong with a little hustle. Nothing at all.
Right, Paul?
What did he mean? I hustle.
Uh, sir? Sir!
(phone rings)
Hello?
Uh...
- Hello? -Hello.
- Mrs Baskin? - Yes?
- How are you? - Who is this?
I just wanted you to know that, uh... Josh is all right. I mean, he's OK and everything.
Do you have my boy?
Yeah... And you're gonna get him back - just the way he was.
Look, I swear to God, if you do anything to him, if you touch one hair on his head,...
..l will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer.
Wow! Thanks.
- Let me talk to Josh. - Oh, he can't come to the phone right now.
- Why not? What did you do to him? - I-I didn't do anything. He's a terrific kid.
(tearful) I want proof that he's all right.
Uh... all right.
Um... ask me something that... that... that only he would know.
Then I'll ask him for you, and that way, you'll know that he's OK.
Ask him what I used to sing to him when he was a little boy.
- Is there anything else you'd rather ask him? - Ask him.
I got it! I got it.
(out of tune) Memories
Like the corner of my mind
Misty, watercolour memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures
Oh...
Look, you're gonna see him again - really soon.
I-I promise. I... cross my heart and hope to...
Uh... we'll talk about this later.
(gunshots)
(screaming)
Get down! Get down! Get out of the area!
(gunshot in street)
(screaming)
(sirens and gunshot)
- Ferris. - Thank you.
Brennen.
Baskin.
- What is this? - Payday.
- (man) Hey, whoa! Where's mine? - $187?
- Yep. - Oh! Oh!
They really screw you, don't they?
- Hi. - Hi.
OK... So how would you like that?
OK. All right.
Three dimes, a $100 bill, and 87 ones.
One, two, three...
More, more, more
More, more, more!
She don't like slavery She won't sit and beg
I'm never eating again.
- It wasn't that bad. - It was the boat ride that did it.
No. It was the pork rinds.
Pork rinds! Argh!
Achoo!
- We sure had fun, didn't we? - Yeah. Yeah, we sure did.
A...
Booger! Booger!
Welcome to our world Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world of toys!
Yee-hah!
Oh! Keep away from strange men.
(boy) Gotcha!
- What's your name? - Joey. What's yours?
- My name's Josh. - I'm gonna blow you away, Josh.
- I just got you! - No way! That's bullshit. Get back here!
(old woman) You big dork!
(electronic bleeping)
You work for me, don't you?
Yes.
I thought so. What? Are you here with your kids?
No...
- Uh, I was just looking around. - Oh...
Me, too. I come here every Saturday.
You can't see this on a marketing report.
What's a marketing report?
Exactly.
Come on.
- What do you think of that? - The championship hockey?
- Yeah. - Ooh, I love it. Only, the....
- Only, what? - Well, the pieces don't move.
- What do you mean? - Well, on the old set,...
..you could slide the men up and down the ice. Now all they do is spin around.
It was more like real hockey the old way. Why'd they change it?
I don't know.
The Starfighters are good - you can change all the pieces around.
But I never liked the Galacticons.
You only get one robot, and there's no vehicle.
- Mm-hm. I see. - Plus, you can't take 'em underwater.
- And if you do, they... - (musical note)
Neat!
OK, uh... let's check out the...
("Heart and Soul")
- Piano lessons? - Three years.
Me, too. Every day - after school.
"Chopsticks".
(MacMillan chuckles)
(cheering)
- What department are you in? - Computers.
- Computers? - Yeah. Yeah...
You just saved me a trip to the gym, son.
According to the marketability studies, this thing should go straight through the roof.
- Hey! Hey! Watch it, fella. - Sorry. Sorry.
Vice president, in charge of product development.
He's only been here a week! Vice president?
And he came from Data Processing.
He's outta his mind. The old man has finally lost it!
- Do you know he gave him Bob's old office? - Bob's...
Bob's office is bigger than my office!
There's gotta be a reason. Things like this don't happen without a reason.
- If the president dies, you take over? - No, they got a hundred of 'em. Ready?
- Yes, Mr Baskin. - Thank you. Come on in.
Look at it! It's bigger than the principal's office.
- How do you know? - Remember that explosion in science?
- Oh, yeah. - Track-a-pillar!
59.95!
You know, that only costs ten bucks to make.
Get outta here!
- What is this? - Oh, well, this... They just put this in here.
- So what do they make you do for all this? - Well, I play with all of this stuff,...
..and then I go in and I tell 'em what I think.
- That's it? - Yeah.
- And they pay you for that? - Yeah.
Suckers!
Oh! Thank you, Miss Patterson. Hey! Miss Patterson!
Could you get Media to send up the video of the Super Bowl?
And have 'em edit out all the commercials?
- Yes, Mr Baskin. - Thanks.
Miss Patterson.
You're the luckiest guy I know!
(toy squeaking)
- Did you check Mattel? - Nothing.
- Coleco? - Zero.
He can't come from nowhere, Susan. How about Hasbro?
Yes, and Fisher Price and Worlds of Wonder. I have called everywhere.
- Nobody's ever heard of him! - Great(!)
Let's face it, Paul, the guy comes from Data Processing.
(Paul) Terrific! This is just terrific(!)
You're being paranoid, Paul.
(Paul) These tests were conducted over a six-month period,...
..using a double-blind format of eight overlapping demographic groups.
Every region of the country was sampled.
The focus testing... showed a solid base...
..in the 9- to 11-year-old bracket,...
..with a possible carry-over into the 12-year-olds.
When you consider that Gobots and Transformers poll...
- ..37 per cent market share,... -(Josh) I'm sorry.
..and that we are targeting the same area,...
..I think that we should see one quarter of that.
And that is one fifth of the total revenue from all of last year.
(ripple of applause)
- Excellent, Paul. - Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Any questions? - Not for me.
Yes?
- Yes? - I don't get it.
What exactly... don't you get?
It turns from a building into a robot, right?
Precisely.
Well, what's fun about that?
Well, if you'd read your industry breakdown,...
..you'd see that our success in the action-figure area...
..has climbed from 27 per cent to 45 per cent in the last two years.
There, that might help.
Oh.
- Yes? - I-I... I still don't get it.
What?
- What don't you get, Josh? - Well...
There's a million robots that turn into something.
This is a building that turns into a robot. What's fun about playing with that?
- This is a skyscraper. - Well, couldn't it be, like,...
..a robot that turns into... into something - like a... like a bug or something?
- A bug? - Yeah.
Like a big, prehistoric insect with claws...
- ..that could pick up a car and crush it. - In teresting.
- A prehistoric Transformer? - In teresting!
-(Paul) Gentlemen... - The robot turns into a bug?
- Uh, gentlemen, listen... - He's got a very good idea here!
- The robot turns into a bug! - What...
- ..different sizes... - We could do ladybugs.
- (Josh) You could have 'em wreck buildings. - A building is inert, a bug moves!
- It's got all kinds of possibilities. - This doesn't just happen. This guy...
He didn't just come to a meeting and say "bugs".
- Uh... - Well done, Josh. Well done.
Oho! Oh, he is vicious!
- He's not vicious. - Don't kid yourself. That man is a killer!
- All he said was he didn't get it. -(mocking) "I don't get it."
"Let's make it a bug."
He's going for the throat. He's trying to eviscerate me.
(frustrated grunts) Did you see the look on MacMillan's face?
Mm-hm.
It's a unique space. The lines are so clean, and there's none of that partition quality.
It has 15-foot ceilings, uh... all hardwood floors, ample closet space,...
..a modern kitchen, a brand-new bathroom with a jet-stream Jacuzzi.
We'll take it!
Baskin. Rental delivery.
Come on, come on!
-(splash) - That was so close!
(Josh) "Dear... Mom and Dad,...
..They said...
..that I could write you... and let you know I was OK."
"So far... they're treating me fine."
"I got enough to eat,...
..and am perfectly safe."
"They say... I'll get out of here...
..in about... a month."
"In the meantime,...
..it's a lot like camp."
"I watch TV,...
I got it! I got it! I got it!
..and even... get outside...
..once in a while."
"I know... you miss me,...
..but try not to worry."
"I think... this experience... might even be good for me."
"I love you... very much,...
..and I know... I'll see you soon."
"Your son,...
..Joshua."
"PS...
..Give Rachel a kiss from her big brother."
(piano)
(Scott) We got off on the wrong foot. Let's start again.
Hey, smell my neck.
(girl) Uh-uh.
- I'm having a lovely time. - I'm delighted, Miss Patterson.
It's much better than last year. I just wanted to tell you that.
(chuckles)
- Double up on the scotch, will ya? - Right away, sir.
- S... Susan! - Love your tux.
I think it's the same as the maître d's.
Have you decided what you're doing on the Danberry line?
No. I haven't.
Well, uh... I think if you got everyone's input upfront,...
- ..I mean, right from the beginning... - Susan... have a drink.
- What? - Have a couple of drinks.
It's a party.
(lift bell pings)
Oh, God!
Josh! Glad you could make it.
- I bet he gets another raise. - Now that's what I call a tuxedo!
I rented it. This is a real bow tie, though - I tied it myself.
- That's why I was late. - You're not late. Let me show you around.
Hey, there's Miss Patterson. Hi! There's the guy from the meeting! Hi!
..it only works on your hips. You need a whole 'nother exercise for your thighs.
Hi.
Let me grab a plate here.
Excuse me.
The guy's a goddamn knock-off artist.
Amphibian? He takes 10,000 Gl Joes,...
..slaps some gills on 'em, webs their feet, packages them in seaweed.
Oh... Come on!
(Paul) So I show him the schedule, and he says "It's not correct accounting procedure."
- The goddamn prick! - But the toy sold, Paul.
Excuse me.
- Hi. - Hi.
All the same people, having all the same discussion.
It's like they cloned some party in 1983...
..and kept spinning it out, again and again and again.
- I loved your ideas on the Squeezy Doll line. - Thanks.
They were so... incisive.
It's beluga. MacMillan orders it every year.
Sidle up to him and then ask for a raise.
(splutters)
Gesundheit.
All right?
- (spluttering continues) - Are you OK?
Do you want a glass of water?
- Do you want something to drink? - Could I have a milk shake or something?
I got a car outside. Wanna get outta here?
- Uh-huh. - Let's go.
(coughs)
Watch it!
I'm not really a big one for parties. I like things that are a little more, uh... intimate.
Wow! Is this your car?
Well, it's the company's car.
Oh, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen!
Sir.
(manic clicking)
Just seeing someone in the office, you don't really get a chance to know them.
Just being with you here, I really get a sense...
-(sucking) - ..of who you are.
- Are you gonna eat these? - No.
- Hey, mister? You want some of these fries? - No. No, thank you. No.
See, it's hard in a business situation. I...
I mean, there's... there's this invisible line, and, uh...
..even if... even if you're attracted to someone...
- You're gonna call someone before...? - No.
Uh...
- I mean, at this point in my life... - (twiddling radio tuner)
Don't... Don't play with the ra...
Leave the, uh... Don't...
I'm really vulnerable right now! You know? And I...
- (radio plays "Hot in the City" by Billy Idol) - I mean, I love my job, and...
- ..and I... - Ejector seat!
Hot in the city
Hot in the city tonight
Tonight
All right
This is great!
Hey! Come on up!
- That was my apartment. - Really?
- Yeah. - I'd love to see where you live.
Have you always lived alone?
- No. Not always. - Oh.
Is it just recently, or...
- Yeah... - Give yourself a couple of days, it'll pass.
Well, they said it was gonna take six weeks.
(Susan) Well... it can be painful, but...
..that's what they invented Xanax for, right? (laughs)
-(Josh) Watch your step. - Thank you.
I'm not sure we should do this yet.
- Do what? - Well, I...
I mean, I like you, and I... I wanna spend the night with you...
D'you mean sleep over?
Well...
..yeah!
OK. But I get to be on top.
- You live here? - Yeah.
It's nice, isn't it?
Yeah...
You, uh... you want a soda?
Huh?
- A soda. You want one? - Yeah. Sure.
I rigged this up so you don't need any quarters.
Oh! Don't... No... no, don't.
- What? - The glue is not dry yet. Sorry.
- Sorry! - It's OK. You didn't break anything.
- You wanna play pinball? - No.
- You don't need quarters for this either. - No, thank you.
OK.
- Is that a trampoline? - Yeah. You wanna try it?
No!
You should. It's really fun.
It's simple, too. Come on. Come on.
- You'll like it. It's easy, too. - Do you have some wine?
- Take off your shoes. - Maybe we could talk for a few minutes.
Jesus! Gimme the other one.
OK. Now watch. It's really simple. Let me just get my big balls off here.
- No, really, I... I'll watch. - Come on. It's fun! I'll do it with you. Hup!
Excellent.
- Help me up? - Sure.
OK... jump.
- You want me to jump? - Yeah. Just jump.
- There. Now we can have a drink. - No, no, no, no, no! Really jump.
Stand here and get in the air and all... Go ahead.
Get some air between you and the tramp-...
..oline.
- There. - Oh, come on! I'll do it with you, all right?
Ready? Come on. OK, jump. See? Just this - that's all there is...
That's all there is to it. Good. Good.
There you go. There you go. Yeah!
(Josh chuckles)
It's easy! Anybody could do this.
Woo!
(laughter)
Hello! How do you do that?
Good!
Uh!
- Oh! Hi. - Here.
- What? - Pick one.
(giggles) OK, try again.
That one.
It's for you. It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring, so you won't get lost.
Good night.
(Paul) Had fun last night?
- Sure. Yeah. - Yeah... Yeah, you left pretty quick.
- I gave him a ride home, Paul. - Oh! Did he enjoy it?
- Don't be ridiculous. - That's me, Mr Ridiculous(!)
Mr Silly Old Guy!
I don't feel like going out tonight.
What do you mean? They're your friends.
I know.
- (retunes radio) - Leave it!
Hot in the city...
Will you quit it?
- (Paul retunes radio) - You have to play with everything?
(giggles)
Argh!
Baskin?
Wouldn't you rather play basketball? We could be a team for the MacMillan company.
- No. - My best sport's video hockey.
- It's not a sport. - It takes eye-to-hand coordination.
- It's not a sport if you don't sweat! - What about golf? That's a sport.
- Yeah, a machine doesn't do all the work. - What about car racing?
- Ah, shut up, Baskin! - What are the rules again?
I told you. Over the line on the serve, yellow is out of bounds, play to 21. Ready?
Oh! Sorry... Sorry.
- One-nothing! - Hold it.
Go! Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it! Attaboy!
- OK, you ready? - Yeah.
- Oho! Nice try! - That was in.
Two-zip. Just made it. Two-zip. Ready? Here we go!
That was in. Good. Point.
Whoa!
- (Paul) What's the matter? - Time!
Backhand.
Yes!
- 19-18. - That was under the line.
- What? - You said it had to be over the line.
- No, I didn't. - You said it had to be over on a serve.
No, I did not! Now gimme the goddamn ball!
- That's cheating! - Gimme the goddamn ball, will ya?
- No. - Gimme the ball, you little shit!
- It's my serve. - Gimme the ball!
- Gimme the goddamn ball! I never said that! - Yes, you did.
Gimme... Gimme the ball.
Gimme the ball!
Gimme the... Gimme the...
Gimme...! Give me the ball.
- You're a cheater. - I do not cheat. Give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
Gimme the... Gimme the ball!
All right. But let's take it over. We'll take it over!
- He didn't have to punch me. - I know.
He's scared of you.
- You don't play his game. - I tried to play his game. He beat me up.
If he's scared of me, then why did he punch me?
He punched you because he's scared of you.
- I don't get it. - It's just the way he is.
Everything's a fight with him. Everyone's an enemy.
It's not just a job for him, it's a war.
Then how come you're so nice?
What?
You work as hard as he does and you're not like that.
You don't... You don't know me that well.
Yes, I do.
You're one of the nicest people I've met.
How do you do it?
- Soixante... - (woman on tape recorder) Soixante-dix.
- What's this? - Shampoo, razor, toothpaste,...
- ..two ties and an exercise tape. - Susan...
Oh, and I want my keys back.
Sure.
(sighs) It's just some scratches. He'll get over it.
- It's... It's nothing to do with him. - He's just another link in the chain!
First it was, uh, Tom Caulfield, then Hanlen, then Golding, then me.
- Am I missing somebody? - It's not like that any more.
What is so special about Baskin?
He's a grown-up.
Susan...
I can't believe you brought up Golding.
(sings opera)
Catch. Catch the dough. Catch.
How many pieces of dough we got here?
Here they come! Throw me the ball.
My God!
He got it! He's really good!
- Happy birthday to you -(Billy) Surprise!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Josh
Happy birthday to you
And many more!
(waiter) Happy birthday to you.
- You! - Hey.
What are you gonna wish for this time?
I know, we can get some beers, some dirty magazines...
- Um... I can't, Billy. - Of course you can. It's your birthday.
- I have to go somewhere. - Where? Where?
Um...
Well, I have to go meet somebody, and...
- You got all night. - Yeah, I know, but...
See, I just... Well, I can't right now, OK? But I'll call you, all right?
OK? I'll give you a call.
Oh, and thanks again, Billy. lt was fun.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Do you wanna come in? - Sure.
(nervous laugh)
Sit down.
- Want to go? - Yeah! Yeah.
Wanna go again?
They have cars that you can drive, except they're on a rail.
- Like a coaster ride. - So you're not really...
- You have a big gob of mustard right there. - What?
- Mustard. - Where?
Right there.
- Is it gone? - Well... Well... Here.
- That... gone? - Yeah.
(distant music)
- Listen. - Oh... Oh, music?
Wanna dance?
Dance?
- We don't have to if you don't want to. - OK.
- All right. - OK.
- Are you cold? - Mm-mm.
We could get some hot chocolate.
You can wear my jacket if you want.
("Moonlight Serenade")
I haven't done this in a long time. (nervous laugh)
What were you like when you were younger?
- Oh, well, I wasn't much different. -(laughs) I believe that about you.
I've been thinking about you a lot.
It's... crazy.
In my car,...
..lying in bed...
I've just never gone out with someone like you.
With all the other men, there was so much to hide.
I feel like I can tell you anything.
Susan?
Susan...
There's something I think I should tell you.
What?
You want the light on?
- Good morning, Mr Baskin. - Good morning. Hey, Brett, how are ya?
- Hi, everybody. -(woman) Hi, Josh.
Josh, my man!
- Morning. - Morning.
- Good morning, sir. - I'd like some coffee, please, Miss Patterson.
- But you don't drink coffee! - And, uh... make it black.
You know, you two should come to Vermont. It is so pretty up there right now.
- (husband) We spent our anniversary there. - All you did was watch TV!
I popped popcorn, too. We watched that intellectual stuff, you know.
Did anybody see that great documentary about Columbus on PBS the other night?
-(Susan) Mm-mm. -(woman) Um, no. Was it good?
- I had no idea he had a fourth ship. - Yeah, the Santa Cristina.
- That's right. - He only had that on his second trip.
- You saw it, too. - No.
- But I-I used to... study, you know, that stuff. - Really?
- Dad... I need some help with my algebra. - Not now, Adam.
- Yeah, but, Dad... - Adam, we have guests.
(Mom) He has had the roughest time with algebra.
- We've tried tutors, everything. - With algebra?
- I used to study that, too. -(Mom) Isn't that nice?
Let's say Larry Bird's gonna score ten points in the first quarter.
- How many will he score in the whole game? - 40 points.
- Probably, OK? And that's algebra. - Right.
- But, it is...? - Yeah.
One quarter is to ten points that he scores in that quarter. Just as four...
You're right. He's wonderful.
I know.
"Department of Consumer Affairs"?
Yeah, buddy! It came!
(executive) He's never done this before.
Get the art department on the phone. Get them, get them!
- Send out for some sandwiches. - Cajun or deli?
Maybe next year, Brian. Next year.
- You can do it. - I cannot plan a whole line!
Why? Nobody knows more about toys than you.
Susan, doing that means marketing and strategy and stuff like that!
- All he wants is a proposal. - I can't...
You come up with the ideas and... I'll handle the marketing.
- But... - Come on, it'll be neat.
Well, l... I don't know. I don't have any ideas for new toys or anything.
Yeah, well, tell him I called again.
- (Miss Patterson) I'll tell him, Mr... - Kopeche. K-O-P...
- You know, he's been very busy. - Yeah, right(!)
Well, tell him it's important.
See, it won't be like these, where you just follow the story along.
You would actually make a whole different story appear, just by pressing these buttons.
An electronic comic book? That's amazing!
Like a living comic book. lt'll be different every time.
This is incredible. You're brilliant.
If you like one, you could see it over and over and over again.
You're... You're wonderful.
Do you really like it?
- Really? - Really.
(both laugh)
- You think Mac will like it? - I think...
You know what we can do? We could do, like, sports comic books,...
..where, like, if you're going to steal second or something like that.
We could have sports books - baseball, football...
Really, it would work for almost any sport. Hockey!
What... What... What is it we're doing?
Huh?
What... What's... What's going on here?
Well... you know, we're...
Something wrong?
- You don't like it? - No! No.
It's...
I mean, if it's an affair, that's one thing.
But if it's...
If... If it's something else...
Not that we have to know right now. But if we think that it could turn into something else,...
..well...
How do you feel about all this?
How do I feel about what?
Well, how do... how do you... feel about me?
(Josh fiddles with papers)
What... What is that supposed to mean?
(Susan) Agh!
Wednesday would be better than Thursday.
- Mr Baskin can't be... - Yeah, I have the key example right here.
Where you been? I've been trying to reach you!
- I'm... I'm in the middle of something, OK? - I got the list.
- Can you give me a minute, please? Yes. - What? This is it. This is the list!
Would you come back at lunch? I'm a little bit busy right now.
- Hello? - Busy?
- Billy! - Are you outta your mind?
- Jesus, Billy! Miss Patterson! - It's what we've been waiting for!
I got work to do, can't you understand that? I got a deadline to meet. God!
I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh?
And I'm three months older than you are, asshole!
"You are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard."
"All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs."
"Melt wizard."
"What do you want to melt him with?"
"Throw thermal pod."
Race you!
Come on!
-(woman) Boys! Time for dinner! -(boy) Just five more minutes.
Josh? What's wrong?
What is it?
I haven't told you something because I didn't think you'd believe me,...
..and I didn't think you'd like me any more, so...
Oh, honey, come here! You can tell me anything. What?
Susan, I'm not what you think I am.
What do you mean?
Before I met you, I was in Little League.
Um... I was in Little League,...
..and I rode my bike to school, and I played with my friends and hung out...
Jo... Josh, what are... what are you talking about?
I wanna go home.
I miss my family, Susan, and I wanna go home.
Oh, my God! You're married!
- No! No... I'm not married. - I knew this was too good to be true.
- There had to be something! - S... Susan, I'm not married.
- You're not? - No.
I'm a child.
What?
I'm a child, Susan. And I... I'm... I'm not ready for all of this!
Oh, that's fine. That is... That's just great(!)
- What happened... - No, I understand.
- "I'm not ready to make a commitment." - No! No, you don't understand.
- I... I'm 13 years old. - Oh, and who isn't?
You think there isn't a frightened kid inside of me?
No, I mean I really am thirteen!
I went to bed one night and I was a kid, and when I woke up, I was a grown-up.
Oh, right(!) And just yesterday, I was a schoolgirl with pigtails(!)
- Why are you doing this? - There was a carnival...
- Please! - I made a wish on the Zoltar machine.
Oh, stop it!
The Zoltar machine had this bobbing head that looked just like a devil!
If you got a quarter in his mouth, you could make a wish. I did! I made a wish to be big.
What I'm trying to tell you is, I changed into a grown-up, but I'm really just a kid!
Fine, Josh. You're a kid.
Look, I don't know what it is that you're trying to tell me,...
..but we have a very big presentation to give tomorrow, so I'm gonna get some sleep.
(door slams)
Stupid stuff! Dumb stuff!
Some friend! I don't need him.
Stupid jacket!
(walkie-talkie crackles)
Josh?
Josh!
Oh... Hi, Mrs Baskin.
Hiya.
I was just looking around in here.
(Billy) Hm.
- Your hair's getting longer. - I got it cut yesterday.
Oh.
He had a birthday.
I... I know.
He'll be coming back real soon.
Everything's gonna be OK.
- I hope so. - Good night.
(door opens)
Right there! Sea Point Park, New York.
Well?
(intercom buzzes)
- Yes? - (Miss Patterson) They're waiting for you.
Thanks.
See you around.
There's this flat screen on the inside with pictures on it.
You read it, and when you get to the bottom, you have to make a choice...
..of what the character's gonna do - if he's gonna fight the dragon, you push a button.
- Paul? - I don't get it.
- Well... -(Mac) Paul!
- It's a comic book... - See, there's a computer chip inside,...
..which stores the choices. At the end of a page, you decide where the story goes.
- That's the point. - Terrific, Susan.
-(Susan) The kid makes his own decision. -(Mac) This is possible?
Yeah! In fact, it's a very simple program.
Isn't that... Isn't that right?
(Paul) So what happens when you run out of choices?
(Susan) That's the great thing. You can sell different adventures.
Just pop in a brand-new disk, and you get a whole new set of options.
- We could market this on a comic-book rack. -(Susan) Mm-hm.
I'll be right back.
(Mac) How much would the unit cost?
Well, our initial figure was around, uh... seven...
..around seven dollars,...
..with a retail cost of about... 18.95.
Well, you expect a kid to pay $19 for a comic book?
I think a kid...
Will you excuse me?
Josh?
Josh!
(whistles)
Will you take me to Sea Point Park, New York?
Sea Point Park? Josh!
- Not so fast! - Here.
Josh! Josh!
See you back home!
Yeah!
Excuse me. Uh... do you know him? You know Josh?
- Yeah... Yeah. - Look, you have to tell me where he went.
- Who are you? - I'm...
- I'm his girlfriend. - Euch! (chuckles)
- Billy Kopeche. - You have to tell me where he went.
Please, tell me.
Tell me!
Work, damn it!
- Josh? - Susan!
You know, you don't walk out on somebody.
You don't just get up and leave and... and walk out like that. You don't do that!
I know. I know. I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry, but... I didn't know what to do. I...
I didn't know what to say.
Oh, God!
You got your wish.
- I tried to tell you... - I didn't listen.
- I guess I didn't hear you,... - I tried to tell you.
- ..or want to! Even if I did listen... - I've been thinking about this. I've been...
There's a million reasons for me to go home, but there's only one reason for me to stay.
What... What reason is that?
Well...
..you!
Oh, come on... Come on. Come on, come on!
So, uh... what are you? Fifteen? Sixteen?
Well... I'm thirteen.
Ohh...
Well, that explains it!
Maybe you could come with me.
No! Ha!
No...
Why not?
I've... I've been there before.
It's hard enough the first time.
You know what I mean?
You don't know what I mean.
Come on, I'll drive you home.
- I'm sorry. - No, I'll be OK.
You'll be fine.
In ten years, who knows?
Maybe you should hold onto my number.
So this is where you live?
- Which one is it? - That one right there, just...
(Susan) Oh. That's nice.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you, too.
- You won't even remember me. - Oh, yes, I will.
Mom?
- Mom! - Josh?
- It's me! - Josh?
Josh! Oh, my God!
Oh, thank God you're home!
Oh, Mom... I missed you all so much.
-(Josh) I'm just not good enough. - What are you talking about?
You hit the ball over the fence almost every time in stickball.
- You just gotta get used to a fatter bat. - (both chuckle)
-(Josh) You really think I could do it? - Yeah!
- (Josh) Come on, we'll hit some after supper. - OK. I'll call for ya.